HELEN CHILD
POET * COMEDIAN * ARTIST.
HELEN CHILD'S WORK IS
WICKED * WITTY * BOLD AND BLACK.*SAVAGELY FUNNY * WITH SATIRICAL EDGE.
Traja Dee 
Pauline Fartson
Mr President Helen
Child
COPYRIGHT Helen Child. 2007.
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Comedy Characters
Her majesty the queen
COPYRIGHT Helen Child. 2007.
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SILKY GRRLS AND PIRATES.
( Performed as a wild, bearded pirate)
Tonight, I am a pirate
In the Mardi Gras Parade!
I wave me Jolly Rodger
In the crazy cavalcade.
With nuns the size of houses!
And harlotts tall as trees
And so much bloody glitter
That it makes me want to sneeze!
I have me trusty blunderbuss
and me captain's hat,
Me Corsair's dandy finery
And me squeeky rat.
I dance a merry gig, I do
And wenches beckon me,
With open arms
And lusty screams
And kisses all for me!
Kisses, warm and silky,
As relentless as the sea.
I meet a grrl in pirate boots.
A German maiden, fair,
With husky voice
And velvet skin
And silky, golden hair.
"Zarz a party at my house," she says,
"A short vey up vee road.
Come vis me oond party!
You can shleep at my abode."
She grabbes me by me powder horn
And hauls me up the road!
I break from her with all me might
And run down cobbled streets,
Through Mardi Gras procession clowns,
Doing acrobatic feats.
I race down to the harbour,
With the grrl in hot persuit.
She is naked in the moonlight,
In her polished pirate boots!
I leap aboard me vessel
And cast off all the ropes.
Me crew weighs up the anchor
And dashes all her hopes.
"Vot mistress can bevitch you,
Vis more delights zan me?!"
I catch me breath
And call aloud,
"Me mistress is the sea!
She whispers to me
In the night, her stories, false and true.
She cradles me and rocks me
In her arms of silky blue.
Her world is deep and fathomless,
Her temper, volitile
And when I dive her merky depths,
Her treasures drive me wild!"
"Vot lover can bevitch you,
To sail so fast from me?!"
I climb the mizzen mast
And howel,
"Me loverrr is the sea!"
TIGER WOMAN.
( An Ode to Blake.)
Tiger, tiger, burning bright
In the forrests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?
In what distant deeps or skies
Burn't the fire of thine eyes?
What Hellish blacksmith did conspire
To forge thee, in his dungeon fire?
From what chambers did they cart
The sinues of thy frozen heart?
For tigers really have no friends,
Just victims, for their ruthless ends!
Tiger woman, burning bright
Deep in your forrest of endless night....
You use you beauty to entice,
Then pounce on your victims
Like helpless mice!
I hear you stalking,
You're not far,
Purrring along, in your 66 Valiant.
Golden sholders,
Eyes that flash,
Powerful paws
and jaws...that catch!
I feel your hot and searing breath,
My prelude to horrific death...
But I don't care any more!
Pin me down to the jungle floor!
Bite me hard, to my very core.
Chew me till my bones show white!
Come on tiger.....
Eat me, tonight!!!
Helen Child.
COPYRIGHT Helen Child. 2007.
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Sculpture
Helen Child studied visual art at the D.D.I.A.E. in Toowoomba,
QLD, Australia and has exhibited in Brisbane, Perth and
Toowoomba, in both solo and group exhibitions. Her work has
been bought by collectors and commisioned by millionares,
festivals and by The Department of Conservation and Land
Management (CALM).
Her work ranges from paintings and murals to portrait sculpture,
life-size human sculptures, small and giant puppets, costumes,
props, carnival floats, mixed media installations, life-like animals
and morphic beasts.
Her work sells for no less than $1000.
Helen does select comissions only.
More examples of Helen's art will be available soon.
COPYRIGHT Helen Child. 2007.
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Events
Performing at:
2008 Coming soon
Workshops:
Humerous Performance Poetry workshop -
Peter Cowen Writers Centre, Joondalup,
Saturday 5th April from 12.45pm -2.45pm
and Writing for Comedy workshop, Saturday 19th, same times and same place.
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.
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COPYRIGHT Helen Child. 2007.
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CD Purchase
From December 2007 Cd will be available at:-
dada Records- 36 Pier St, Perth
78 Records- 914 Hay St, Perth
And CD orders are available from Helen direct via email
"POETRY FROM HEL" TRACKS.
1. INTRO.
2. WHIT'S END
3. TIGER WOMAN
4. MOTH
5. NOISE INTRO.
6. NOISE!
7. BABY COCKROACH
8. DOLLY THE SEX DOLL RIGHTS ACTIVIST.
9. DILDO ALIVE!
10. THE VISITOR
11. SCARECROW.
COPYRIGHT Helen Child. 2007.
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CV & Contact details
HELEN CHILD
SATIRICAL POET / COMEDIAN / MC
Helen Child is a humorous poet, MC and comediene, who's work is witty, satirical and black.
Helen has performed as a head-line act at major WA festivals for the past
11 years, including featuring at the Albany Sprung Writers Festival 2006
and 2 successful solo shows for The WA Pride Festival (2001 and 2002).
Last year, Helen featured at the 2007 Overload Poetry Festival in Melbourne and featured on Melbourne's Channel 31 "Noise TV".
Helen writes all her own material and designs her own props, as she started
out as a professional sculptor and painter for 6 years, after graduating
in 1989 from the Darling Downs Institute of Advanced Education,
in QLD, majoring in Sculpture and minoring in Drama. Before turning
to
writing and performing as therapy for an muscular illness.
Now, Helen performs live, writes short plays, gives workshops on
performance poetry and writing for performance and teaches drama to the
elderly. Helen has also performed on RTR FM radio and Channel 31 CTV
Perth and her poems have been published in numerous zenes.
Helen's performances include:
Character impersonations/stand-up, humorous poetry, songs, warped music and bad variety dance routines.
Her
best loved comedy characters are:
Pauline Fartson, Traja Dee, Old Ma Bones, Dolly the Sex-doll Rights Activist
and the Loggers Wife. Her newest characters are Corpspeare (Shakespeare's
ghost) Helvis the Pelvis and Her Majesty the Queen.
Her work is especially suitable for cabarets, festivals,
band launches and arts launches, performance nights and poetry gigs, environmental
fundraising gigs.
Since 1996, Helen has performed as a headline act and M.C at major W.A Festivals, including the Albany Sprung Writers Festival 2006, Fremantle Festivals,
East Fremantle Festival, Artrage and 2 solo shows for the Perth Lesbian & Gay
Pride Festival (2001 & 2002).
Her poetry has been published in
Perth zenes, and performed at many Perth poetry / performance nights over the
past ten years. It features in Poets Corner 2005 & 2006 Anthologies and
V. L. N. magazine 2006.
Helen gives workshops on performance poetry and writing for performance. She writes short plays, performes live and teaches drama to the elderly in Perth.
Helen on the show- 'Sweet & Sour'
Helen Child's email is- Please
type this into your email client.